Next Time I'll Let The World Get Sucked Into Hell!
by jaded316
Summary: Seqeul to If This is Redemptin Then Let Me Be Damned! . Angel last season was too sad. Luckily Spike is comin' to brighten things up! Based on what I hope will happen next season. I promise this is funny stuff so plz R&R!!!!!!!
1. Stranded In My Bleeding Birthday Suit!

Title: Next Time I'll Let the World Get Sucked Into Hell!

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em. I just wanna borrow them for a bit.

Spoilers: Not Really. I dunno what's gonna happen. All I know is that Spike is coming to Angel so I can still have my weekly dose of Bleach Blonde Hottie!

Summary: Sequel to "If This is Redemption Then Let Me Be Damned!" located in the Buffy section. This fic is just inspired from some random ideas from my silly little head of how Spike could come to the Fang Gang.

Chapter 1: Stranded in my Bleeding Birthday Suit.!!!

It's been two months since the apocalyptic war that awakened Slayers all around the world and closed the hellmouth in Sunnydale. Although this was a triumphant day for the Scooby Gang, their victory was not without loss for they too had casualties. Friends, family and lovers that lost their lives along the way. Among those casualties was an ensouled Master Vampire named William the Bloody, nicknamed Spike for torturing his victims with railroad spikes. He killed two Slayers during his time of destruction and mayhem. At the young age of 126 years old (at least young for a vampire) he came across a slayer he couldn't kill. Buffy Summer. He'd later fall in love with her and find a way to restore his soul so that he can be a "man" for Buffy. His unrequited love led him to fight along side her into the mouth of Hell. Unfortunately, this proved to be his last battle, for he was destined to profill a prophecy that was crucial to the destruction of the hellmouth. Spike died valiantly in battle, not knowing of the consequences of his actions. That he would be rewarded for his sacrifice. At least it was suppose to be a reward...

Off in the distance of a still, black night, a bright light shines and a figure has fallen from it...

"Bloody Hell!!!!!! Cor, that hurt. You make one comment about Charlton Heston being a "Gun Happy Moses" and you get booted outta Heaven!! Oh well, it's filled with nuttin' but namby pamby good-doers anyway." At this point, Spike has a good look around. " Wait a bleeding minute, I'm still in Sunyhell!!! Or at least what's left of it." He gets up on wobbly legs when he notices something peculiar... "It's a bit nippy out, I wonder why..." Spike looks down and sees that he is as naked as the day he was born! "Bloody Hell!" His voice comes out as a surprisingly high shriek as he moves to use the severely beat up "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign to cover himself. Fortunately for us and unfortunately for him it isn't covering much. Spike starts to angrily shake his fist to the sky. " Damn you and your holier-than-thou attitude! You think it's funny leaving me out here in my bleeding birthday suit! You effin' wankers!"

Just then, a black van pulled up in front of the crater that was formally Sunnydale and a bunch of commando-looking guys pooled out. " Hey! Keep the Hell away from me! the last time some commandos came near me the tossers jumped me from behind and neutered me! And believe me boys, you do NOT wanna mess with me tonight. I got kicked out of Heaven with nothing on but a smirk on so I'm thoroughly brassed off at the moment!!!" The mysterious guys in black continued to inch their way toward Spike. "Don't say I didn't warn you." Spike tried to "Vamp Out" on the guys but nothing happened. His expression went from enraged to dumbfounded. As he became more and more confused he noticed something he hadn't taken into account before...His _heartbeat_ began to speed up. "What the fu...Ahh!!" He's question was interrupted when one of the dudes in black shot him with a shock gun. "We better get him back to Wolfram & Hart." Stated the head Commando guy. "We were informed to get him there before Mr. Angel left the office with this message." The head commando gave his second in command a slip of paper as his men packed Spike up in a duffle bag. Once he received the paper he began to read it out loud.

"Dear _Mr._ Angel,

I want to congratulate you on your new job. After our past "encounters" it's a bit ironic that you ended up in W&H after you ridiculed me for being one of the best and brightest there. But no hard feelings, ok? I hope you enjoy you little "prezzie." I'm sure he'll provide you and your little group hours of fun and laughs. Think of it as payback for that little practical joke you pulled on me before I left.

Love,

L.M."

The 2nd in command looked at his superior with confusion. "What does this mean? It sounds kinda..." The officer picked up his hand and tilted it up and down to indicate...uhhh...slashy implications. "Hey, I was taught never to ask questions." replied the head commando. "Come on guys, let's load the "prezzie" into the van." The commandos threw Spike in the back and drove away heading toward Wolfram &Hart.


	2. God,Aspirin and Midol

Chapter 2: God, I wish I Were Human Cuz I could Damn Sure Use Some Aspirin Right About Now!

Angel's P.O.V.:

It's been another surprisingly calm day at Wolfram & Hart "Fighting the Good Fight." With an equally surprising amount of perks. Since the faithful day that I agreed to take over the L.A. offices of Wolfram & Hart, I've been waiting for A big Wooden horse to appear in front of my office and the senior executives of W&H to jump out with an army of ass kicking Te 'Shelocke demons. But after the first two months here I'm starting to fall into a familiar groove. The other's are having a great time. Lorne even managed to set up another karaoke bar a few blocks away called "It's Not Easy Being Green Cafe". Go figure. And with the caliber of clients we have Lorne has been able to broadcast some of the top musicians in the business today. You wouldn't believe how many artists sold their souls to W&H to get their starts in the business. One of them is Mariah Carey but we're trying to ditch her calls. And I thought those Scorpion-like demons who worshipped Jasmine were intimidating. That woman could make my hair stand straight up on end. Not that my perfect spikes need any help.

It's hard for me to think about the last few months. Destroying Jasmine. Losing the woman I love...and my son. Cordelia passed quietly while still in her coma. The strain of giving birth to Jasmine was to much for her body to overcome. I hope she found the peace she deserves. She was a true Champion of the People. And I never went back to see Connor. I have people watch over him and update me on how he's doing and if he needs anything...Like a scholarship from a certain L.A. law firm... *hint* *hint*.At the end of the day I mostly just sit in my office and brood over losing them, but I think I finally found some semblance of a normal life. Well, as normal of life a two hundred and fifty year old ensouled Master Vampire can have.

Most of my suspicions have dissipated. I have to admit, it does feel kinda good to be called "Mr. Angel" everyday. If things keep running this smoothly I may learn to love this job...

Just as I had that thought, a dozen commandos busted into my office with a large, black duffel bag. I gave them my patent pissed-off glare and add a bit of gold tint to my darkening eyes. "Hey! What the HELL is going on here?!" I bellow with an exceptional amount of boom to my voice. Just to show them Who is the Man...pire. "Excuse us, sir." Replied the head commando. "We have been sent here by an anonymous employee at another branch of W&H" He gave Angel the message. "This is for you.." His men dumped the large duffel bag in front of my desk. "and this is your prezzie." The "Men in Black" snickered as they left me with the mysterious bag.

I read the message and knew immediately who it was. Lindsey. The little twerp. I should have known he'd go running back to Wolfram & Hart. I eased my way toward the bag and started to poke it with my pencil. After the 5th poke I was rewarded with a loud, distinctly British shriek. "Ahhh! Bloody Hell! You better not be poking me THERE with what I think you're poking me with you poofter!" No..... It couldn't be......" I swear I'll stick a railroad spike up your arse if you don't get away from me!! We'll see how you like it!!! "Arms and legs began to flail around as the voice screamed and kicked like a child throwing a temper tantrum. " Don't make me go "Vintage Spike" on your ass!" I took out a knife from one of my desk drawers and tore open the bag only to have my fear confirmed...When I pulled back the torn material to reveal Spike's face he jumped 5ft. into the air. "Bloody Hell!! What in the Hell am I doing here?! And more importantly what in the name of Mary, Jesus and Joseph were you trying to do to me?!?!?!" He used the bag to cover himself over...strategic...areas. "Spike," I say in a low voice to try and relax him. "I don't know what's going on but you have to calm down." I took a step toward him but he backed away, putting one hand up to ward me off while keeping the other over the material to cover himself. "Stay away from me you effin' Poofter! Should have known you fancied me when you gave me that damn amulet. Jewelry is not the way to my heart. Especially crappy commercial jeweler that makes me human!!" Spike was irate. Veins popped up along his neck and his face was red with fury. Wait a minute. How can his face be red? Then what Spike said sunk in. He was Human? How? "Spike, what in the Hell are you talking about? How can you be human?" I focused in using my super vampire hearing and heard the thumping in his chest. His heart was definitely beating. "You tell me most wise and mighty Grandsire." He said with exaggeration and a mock bow. "You did this to torment me didn't you? You had one of your buddies put a whammy on me!" Spike face was indignant as he continued to rant and rave like a madman.

"You already knew that I was stronger than you so you made me _human_ so that you could take advantage of me!!" He spat out the word "human" as if it were dirty. "You told us back in Sunnyhell that this is a law firm, right?!" Before I could stop him he opens the door of my office and pokes his blonde head through the opening. "Somebody get me a lawyer! Your Nancy Boy of a boss is trying to molest me!!" My eyes become wide and I yank him back into the office and slam the door before he can further embarrass me. "Dammit spike, I'm not trying to molest you! You're not my type anyway." I begin to smirk as his face becomes even more indignant. "Being the wanker you are I'm not surprised by your lack of taste. I happen to be a very nummy treat." (A/N: hehehe, Ringing any Bells?) "Nah, you're a little too bony for me, Will." I quip. "Ohhhh, so what's the deal? You and that whelp, Xander, have a little thing on the side we didn't know about? Hey, whatever you two do in the privacy of your "wanker room" is your business. No wonder I was able to shag both of your women. At least women you thought of as "yours"." This elicits a growl from me. Most humans would be intimidated by this but this idiot just rolls hid eyes. Ungrateful brat. 

"Spike, just sit down." He moves toward one of the chairs in front of my desk, all the time facing me. "I don't want any unruly surprises and hear you explain 'em as a "cock up"." The last comment send a shiver up my spine. Damn you Lindsey. Next time I'll cut off more...important areas...Slowly..." Listen Spike. I don't know why you're human but you carrying on like a child who didn't take his riddlin isn't going to solve this." Apparently my reasoning got through his thick skull because he's settle for just glaring at me and sulking into his chair. "Delilah," I use the intercom on my desk to call y assistant. "Get Mr. Wyndham-Pryce in my office, now. And please arrange for some clothes to be brought to my office, too." "Sure thing, Mr. Angel." Her tentative voice replies. "Thank you." I turn back to see my "guest" moving around uncomfortably as he begin to stick to his chair. "Are you sure you're not Angelus? I didn't know that your souled-self had a thing for leather." "Spike. listen. This is where I work everyday. I cannot afford to have you run rampant and alienate my employees." Spike continued to fidget in his seat, seemingly ignoring every word I said. "Apparently you are...human...so if you have also somehow adopted a shred of decency with your spanking new heartbeat you will try to show me some respect around MY office." 

Spike stopped fidgeting and looked up at me with wide, blank, blue eyes. "Hahahahahaha!!!" Spike fell off the chair in a fit of laughter, his duffel bag still covered securely around his waist. "Oh please Angelus," Spike laughed while trying to breathe. "I'm not one of your pet good-doers who follow you around on your trench coat." "I think you may want to change your attitude while your here, Spike my boy." I inch my way toward the now vertical Spike. "Because while you're here you're MY pet and we wouldn't want me to have to have you _castrated_ would we, William?" "Hey! After our little "incident" earlier I don't want you thinking about my...private, personal, play areas! You Pansy!" Damn him, I retreat to behind my desk and slump into my chair. "God I wish I were human because I damn sure could use some aspirin right about now." I sigh "Ah buck up, Angelus. I know you wanted to have your wicked way with me but it would be so much trouble. For one thing you'd have to pry that stick outta your arse." I raise my head toward the ceiling wondering what sort of weird test the PTB were putting my soul through. "Hey, Angelus. What's wrong? You seem even crabbier than usual. Screw the aspirin, you need some Midol."

R/R:Please!!! It's chicken soup for the soul.


End file.
